| Six years ago, my husband Devin was diagnosed | | | | (it's only been 5!) I learn more about what the plan |
| with Acute Lymphacytic Leukemia. In the midst of | | | | might entail." |
| Devin riding the roller coaster of relapse and | | | | Outside of the disease itself, the above are crucial |
| remission, I began to write. I had no other outlet for | | | | factors in the successful treatment of a cancer |
| what I was feeling at the time, nor did I have the | | | | patient. But there are instances when insurance, |
| energy to seek one. Three years later, Devin | | | | caregivers, money, love, and medical care simply do |
| succumbed to the disease though we were the ones | | | | not matter. Ours was that instance. The only thing |
| who were supposed to "make it." | | | | that would have mattered at the time was a cure. |
| To begin with, we had the love and support so often | | | | It took six years of writing a book, I'll Be in the Car, |
| associated with success in cancer diagnoses. When | | | | to accept the fact that we had all the means for |
| Devin was first diagnosed, we were living in Oregon, | | | | success and in the end, it did not matter. I'll Be in the |
| 2000 miles away from our home state of Ohio. | | | | Car is the story about Devin and me. But more so, |
| Devin's parents had recently retired and lived in | | | | about how our lives were impacted. I wanted others |
| Oregon only three hours away. My parents too were | | | | to witness that we fought over money, in-laws, |
| retired and spent weeks at a time with us, just to | | | | child-rearing and lawn-mowing, in the midst of fighting |
| be near. Socially, Devin was well-liked, strong, healthy | | | | leukemia. I wanted others to know even during |
| and generous with his time and energy. | | | | Devin's down days, we held bridal showers, went on |
| Second, Devin and I had been astute enough, and | | | | vacation, and watched movies and read Tuesdays |
| financially successful enough, to invest our salaries | | | | with Morrie, before the notion of Devin dying had |
| and bonus monies in life insurance policies and other | | | | even crossed our minds. |
| long-term strategies. Eventually, due to his rank within | | | | Two weeks after Devin died Davis and I began our |
| the company and his past earnings, the disability | | | | journey of fundraising for The Leukemia and |
| checks we received during Devin's treatments | | | | Lymphoma Society by attending our first Light the |
| allowed us to balance our checkbook. | | | | Night Walk, surrounded by more than fifty family |
| Alongside those first two aspects, we had a reason | | | | members, friends and neighbors who were still in |
| to get up in the morning and his name was Davis. | | | | shock and needing to grieve. Over the years, we |
| Despite his premature birth, Davis had turned out | | | | continued our participation, walking with friends, |
| healthy and became our inspiration for everyday | | | | sisters and brothers and finally just Davis and me. |
| living. | | | | Two months ago, I married a wonderful man whose |
| Next, Devin was being treated under the watchful | | | | first wife also died of cancer. He brought three |
| eye of Dr. Keith Lanier in Portland. Later, after | | | | motherless daughters into our marriage. The other |
| moving back to Cincinnati due to a job consolidation, | | | | night as a family, we had been out spooking the |
| Devin had been referred to the practice of Dr. Philip | | | | neighborhood, leaving tricks and treats and laughing all |
| Leming. When the insurance company considered | | | | the way home. Later, while putting my son to bed, I |
| dropping this physician's group from their coverage, | | | | saw that he had been crying. "Davis what's the |
| Dr. Leming wrote a persuasive note to convince the | | | | matter?" I asked. And he just burst out, "I didn't get |
| company otherwise. | | | | to say goodbye to Dad." |
| In conjunction with the above, Devin had access to | | | | This is six years later. And that one moment sends |
| stellar insurance coverage. When we did embark on a | | | | me backwards in time, wishing there had been a cure. |
| bone marrow/stem cell transplant, we were | | | | If we cannot have a cure, if we cannot raise millions |
| presented with the option for Devin to undergo this | | | | of dollars, then we must raise eyebrows while finding |
| process in the Pacific Northwest at a "blue chip" | | | | other means of comforting those affected. We must |
| facility - Seattle's Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research | | | | tell the story of little boys who still miss their dads, |
| Center. As Dr Leming put it at time, "That's what | | | | of young women who still grieve for a mom I can |
| they do, and they do it well." | | | | never replace. We must talk about mothers and |
| Finally, we had attitude. Devin maintained a positive | | | | fathers who still yearn to see their son walk through |
| outlook on life, this disease, and how this could help | | | | the door at Christmastime. And we must be the |
| make him a stronger person - I quote from his diary | | | | voice for friends and lovers, husbands and wives |
| - "God has a plan for me in all of this - and each day | | | | whose light we carry inside. |